May she never enjoy a meal in peace again.

I think of stuff like this in terms of lattes. They are the one indulgence I allow myself in my broke-ass life. These people spent like... 77,000 lattes (I’m averaging the cost of a latte here) on an admission they didn’t follow through on. I’ve never had ONE latte I didn’t drink.

Remember the days before social media when we’d write our awful poetry in a diary and then hide it under the bed where no one would ever, ever see it? Yeah, I miss that.

This is exactly how I imagined a Connecticut prison would look. Which way are the tennis courts?

People who paid to see this ass:

yesss

I get why people hate poachers, I do, but there’s a weird dehumanization people have regarding them. They’re humans, and they’re often driven to kill animals for money, money that goes to countries like China and the US. They’re often poor, and they do dangerous things for money like this because people outside their…

Why is it so damn hard for people (cops included as “people”, provisionally) to grasp the idea that MINORS CANNOT CONSENT?  That if a participant was a minor, the act was NON-CONSENSUAL?

“Donald Trump maaaaaybe is in the early stages of dementia, which, it should be said, is a truly awful disease.”

Stop.

Also, how are they so sure that his mother was not, herself, murdered? 

Sperm shaped eyebrows are a bad decision. Tax evasion is a criminal act. Slavery is evil. 

“Ohh, whoopsie!  I threatened my slave with deportation in order to continue enslaving her!”  I hope they give her the full 20. 

I feel like tax evasion and slavery are pretty far cries from being “poor decisions.”

“I’m very sorry for my poor decision-making”

“...but with each new day 2019 presents opportunities afresh for post-postmodernist pop culture Mad Libs. “

If your kid tells you they don’t want to go to college, believe them. That’s the one branch of education that should never be forced on someone, especially when they demonstrate zero academic aptitude. College isn’t for everyone, and people are allowed to change their minds later in life. I myself, am a much better…

It’s this sort of thing that makes me reconsider the notion that the world needs to be purged by fire. I still think it should, but stuff like this gives me momentary pause.

It’s so funny to see the police rage about a black man getting off for lying, when they get off for murdering unarmed black men everyday.

Elizabeth Gilbert “finds love” a lot.  A lot a lot.