The response I have formulated after 9+ years of being asked when we are going to “give” our daughter a sibling: “After three miscarriages it became apparent that my uterus is for decorative purposes only. But thanks for reminding me about the most painful and heart-wrenching experience I’ve ever had while also…

What’s worse is she’s comparing being accused of drugging and raping people to the backlash she received after that awful sketch she wrote for Ted Danson to wear blackface at an NAACP event where she was the honoree. She’s standing up for accused rapist because over twenty years ago, her jokes didn’t land.

Actually, pathological lying is caused by a chemical imbalance in the womb. Recent studies have shown a link between excessive consumption of caramel food coloring during pregnancy, and a predisposition to compulsive lying in children. Mothers exposed to the motion of helicopter blades in the first trimester are also…

Oh god I miss my cat so much. He was such an asshole.

I was referring to the tendency of white people to want to honor tragedies when white people are the ones suffering, but then encourage everyone to “move on” or “heal” when POC are the victims.

*their. Should have gone to college.

Say it with me fellas-

As a bald woman your use of “hair trigger” triggers my triggers.

I think we’ve reached a meta level of parody that is a parody of meta level parodies.

I have a toddler. We’ve both been crying for the past hour straight.

Molly Simms claims her daughter has only cried six times. Is that normal? [People]

I’m here for the baby photos - don’t let me down commenters! Let the irony FLOW through you!

Don’t speak that way about hamsters.

He has a face that looks like the result of Gary Shandling mating with a pig.

I had the same reaction when they started highlighting the Armenian genocide.

I gotta say, up until Caitlyn’s transition started being a news story, I thought that the Kardashians were pointless, useless, and a huge waste of airtime. At this point, though, if even one trans kid has gained a lift, if the movement for trans rights has been pushed forward even a little bit, that's awesome. That…

If Katy can make a song and video better than Bad Blood then she will have my allegiance. THE CHALLENGE IS ON. I literally burned a CD with Bad Blood on it to put in my car and now my 4 year old and I have to scream it to each other at least three times per car trip.

YES IT COULD. JUST ASK JESUS

I thought she meant, like, “The Great Muppet Caper” kind of caper.