Yep, sorry friend. You’re also not allowed to go play in the McDonald’s PlayPlace even if your mother always refused to take you when you were little.

This kid writes like he’s going to be a washed up NFL punter in 10 years...

there is absolutely no way your parents are proud of you

New click-bait column idea:

WOW NICE PUN KEEP UP THE BRILLIANT WORK

“The last two days were fucking”

The only thing Christie fantasizes about is milkshakes

Hope I’m not the only one who didn’t come anywhere close to getting this joke

Nice to see Deadspin adopting the same, lazy media narratives that everyone else uses.

Cain, who is one of the Royals’ most dangerous hitters and who had never attempted a sacrifice bunt before last night, admitted after the game that it was his idea to take two shots at a bunt before striking out on the third pitch:

I have a hard time believing anything in Wisconsin is “pretty upscale.”

My mom works at a jewelery store where an employee was killed by an intruder after closing. The paranoia at these types of places is real, there is just so much stuff of value in the stores. To me, the racism in this story amounts to nothing more than a white person thinking all black people look the same. This person…

Rosen is lucky that the NCAA amended the rule that Jews can’t play quarterback for a Division I school.

probably because of that big fuckin black shape in front of his face

I don’t agree with what Hunter said, but for the love of all things good, can we please have sports articles without a political spin on them. I don’t need to have to weigh the complexities of society when reading sports articles, I have enough of that everywhere else.

You’re so right, it was insane to sign Matt Cassel.

Was he reading from a damn thesaurus?