TOO LATE. I am full-on panicking. And I took a page out of your stress-eating playbook and got a giant sweathog order from Shake Shack which is NOT SITTING WELL RIGHT NOW. How is this haaapppeenning.

I’m glad you’re calming down because I am horrified right now. Like, do I have to go into work tomorrow if Trump wins? Or can I stay in bed and await the coming apocalypse?

I haven’t cried in years...I’m honestly on the verge of crying. My mom is calling and freaking out. My roommate has gone comatose. I don’t know what the fuck to do.

What. The. FUCK. I feel ill.

Hold me.

Honey, I’m so sorry. Millions and millions of us are on your all’s side.

As I’m comforting my Muslim spouse as she sobs about what this means for her, I don’t have time for nausea. I just want her to be okay. I want to live in a place where an interfaith lesbian couple with disabilities aren’t seen as the enemy. I’m tired of our lives hanging in the balance every goddamn election because…

OK there is no way you guys aren’t shading the bro-chads over at Deadspin. And I agree with the shade. Few things more obnoxious than aloof white boys whose aloofness is courtesy of them having no skin in a game that could end with a white supremacist in the oval office.

I’ve never liked Jennifer Aniston. There. I said it. She was the worst Friend (yes, worse than Ross) and her presence in Office Space took something away from what was otherwise a perfect movie. I don’t think she can act. There. Said that, too.

But oh man, having the time and money to spend three hours at the gym everyday with a personal trainer?

I find her quite “meh” as a model, on the whole.

It isn’t appropriation, it is just an embarrassment to ballet.

“I like to think they wrote the part for Kathy Griffin...”

because she’s not running the show anymore.

If Lisa Rinna mentioning how she got more for being in a Depends commercial than any paid acting gig in her career is any indication, she dancing intestined her way to being debt free.

I like to think they wrote the part for Kathy Griffin, and when she wasn’t interested all they could find in the resulting scramble for the shoot was a Lucy Ricardo wig and a woman willing to work for scale. Like, the original concept was the intestines walking around with a mic, doing some stand-up, maybe heckling…

It would still be nothing compared to what men have done to us since the beginning of civilization. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m starting to think my fiancée is on to something with her Castration Initiative...

I live in sports bras and have discovered that the intricate/fussy strap designs are really impractical. They restrict movement, pinch your skin, create “fat rolls” in the weirdest and most unnatural places, and they are a bother to take on & off.

But does it stop the bounce??