Mud butt? You mean you literally shit your pants? Or are you referring to the anus-tightening butthole heebie jeebies?

Ahhhh, republikans. He was so excited to be with people who were, albeit briefly, at his intellectual level, he got a bit carried away.

I’ll take it!

Totally agree. He’s been mending his bad image and seems to really mean it. Good fer him. I thought he might end up dead, so this is a good thing.

All good advice, but you missed the most important points that will avoid the hangover in the first place. Or at least avoid the worst parts, like headache and nausea. First, never drink well booze, and stick to one drink for the night. I drink only vodka (also a good idea) and only Tito’s or KettleOne. Second, don’t…

OMG, Paul? Were you at the conference in Orlando last week? I was also conferencing and after the regular drinks with work folks, one friend and I raided my mini bar until 5am. Needless to say, I missed the morning sessions. And the fucking hotel bill was ridiculous. smh

Driver of the hearse wanted for questioning:

I’m not sure, but I’m simultaneously disgusted and turned on.

Don’t even get me started on the whole obligatory card and gift thing. Unless you’re my intimate partner, in which case I hope we pick up little gifts and nuggets for each other just because, I’m not buying you a fucking kristmas or birthday gift. And don’t do it for me, either! People who feel obligated constantly…

I think it’s fine and all. The problem with tattoos as a map of your life is that when you’re in your 30’s you inevitably realize how ignorant and misguided we all are in our teens and twenties, so you’ve basically documented your stupidity. It’s still OK—just buyer beware.

I’m a virg too. I’ve been thinking it’s time to break the seal, though. I feel like I’m past youthful stupidity but not yet at desperate to hang on to my youth, so it’s prolly a good time to do it.

Sounds cool. What industry do you work in? And why are we not seeing more pics, people? You have a phone. Take pics! That’s what phones are for.

I wouldn’t use the word “respectable.” I respect anyone who covers their living expenses and maybe has some leftovers for savings and travel. I think what you’re referring to is the super-conservative corporate world. While I think you can still get away with cute star tats, maybe even the Keith Haring tat, going full…

Yeah. That’s because you’re drinking crappy stuff. There is no way you should be over booze without having had at least one stretch of functional alcoholism in your life. It’s a rite of passage. Stick to simple, good vodka (no “well” stuff) with non-acidic mixers. Tito’s and club soda is my go-to.

Any crappy movies, for that matter. I used to think, “This movie sucks, but I’ve invested time so I’ll see it through to the end.” No more. My life is ticking away ever faster and I’m not wasting 90-120 minutes on someone’s fucking mental masturbation.

• Conversations with ignorant/stupid fucking people

True. But that noise. You know; the noise that the congealed sauce in Chinese food makes. If I don’t hum while I’m eating it I feel all pukey. I’ll microwave it a bit just so I don’t have the congealy noise.

Vote: Paradigm Atom Monitor