He’s an 84 year old white man whose heyday was the 1960's.

That guy is begging for a workplace injury.

It's kinda odd that someone finally gets in trouble for sending an unsolicited dick pic and it's a woman, huh?

But its so much easier to shove women into their own car that it would be to actually make sexual assault illegal and prosecute it. That just smack of effort.

As the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors, it was incredibly hard not to add that historical and contextual commentary.

There are pictures of me in a bonnet. Because apparently I was having my picture taken before going out to help Pa in the cornfield.

I will buy myself a chest... so they have kindle to start the fire with when they burn me at the stake

As the parent of a 4 year old girl, this is spot on. You just don’t fuck with them and their clothes

You get April 1 until midday and that is it.

When I wear bunny ears and a fur coat, people ask me if I need them to call someone. But when Blue Ivy does it...

I don’t know what this is, but I’ll give you twenty bucks if you’ll bring one to my house right this minute.

Thank you! The whole fucking point is that it’s April 1st, and if you fall for a joke on that date, you’ve been had. YOU GET THAT DATE. People don’t get to make April Fools like fucking “Birthday Week”.

Also there is no such thing as early April Fools’; you get April 1 and that is it.

“running 36 miles [and] swimming an eight kilometer course and 25 obstacles, for six laps,”

Don’t have any meth, will bath salts do?

A couple of months ago at work, there was a fly in my treatment room (at the end of a hallway) so I decided to spray it. Then I dropped the (huge) can and broke the sprayer and it would not stop spraying and spinning in circles. I freaked out and grabbed it, ran up the hallway past the front entrance (?!) to the…

I work in a middle school. They really need to rename this shit “Eau de tween.” It's all the kids wear. It's awful.

use it on roaches only

“Hey, brah? You might want to ease up on your man-child pheromone-induction juice...just sayin.”