"Harvey Wallbanger?!"
"WELL I DON'T KNOW!"

I kept hoping she would make a cameo appearance during the early bit of Smith's tenure. Just a couple line interaction so he could see she was okay after the horrible, horrible way he left her. And he'd have a different face so she wouldn't recognize him or remember anything so she'd still be fine and her brain would…

"I just want a mate."
"You just want TO MATE?! Well you're not mating with me, sunshine!"

Keep going! Clara actually becomes pretty kickass in the new season. She gets a personality and everything!

No joke, "I'm tired of watching women writhe around without any pants on," was the first thing I said when the AMAs ended last night. Jessie J* looked (and sounded) INSANE in her sparkly, fabulous jumpsuit. Let's get more of those, maybe?

I can't understand a damn thing Ariana says when she sings. My middle school choir teacher would have singled her out in front of the class a hundred times by now. Learn to enunciate, sister!

YOU FORGOT ONE DIRECTION! HOW COULD YOU FORGET ONE DIRECTION?!?! I'M SORRY I'M YELLING.

I thought it was spectacular! Her life's calling is to just play the craziest bitches in everything. Like every tv show needs to call her in for a 1-3 episode crazy bitch arc and she will KILL IT. Too bad Desperate Housewives isn't on anymore. She'd've owned that shit.

I rewatched Hunger Games and Catching Fire the other day in preparation to see this one. I'd forgotten all about that Lumineers song and cried like a child when it came on. Poor Gale.

Right? An absolute garbage song, but damn, a spectacular video.

A weak handshake makes me think one of two things: Either you find me so repulsive that you can barely stand to even touch my hand, or you are of feeble mind and will and are probably ineffectual at your job.

And not just from men. A weak handshake from a woman bothers me, too. Like, come on, we're better than that. Put your back into it, ladies!

A firm handshake!!! A weak, dead fish handshake is one of the least attractive things on earth. The last time I experienced one, I think I actually grimaced.

I've watched the video again and will admit that it looks much better here than it has in any personal appearance since about 2011. I'm giving it a stay of execution. FOR NOW.

Because there's too much perfection and it has to go!

Dreamy as hell. I'm roughly a decade older than these rapscallions, but ZAYN CAN GET IT.

The first time I ever saw Harry Styles (back in his XFactor audition! OG 1D), I shouted at my tv, "GET A HAIRCUT, IDIOT." He didn't listen and it's only gotten worse.

Dreamy as hell. He is hands down the best looking one. But he could use a haircut. (I'm old.)

They also had Magic Nursery Pets, where you didn't know what kind of animal it was until you pulled the bows at the tips of their ears to see if they were little kitten/bear cub ears or long bunny/puppy ears. I was so relieved to get a bunny, as they were my favorite animal at the time.

I had a Puppy Surprise with five puppies! It was so exciting. I really felt like I had achieved something.