I guess if I had to choose I would prefer a dead starfish in bed actually. I'd be pretty bummed if a sexual partner immobilized me with her suction cups, vomited up her stomach, and digested me. But like if that's your thing totally no judgment! It's just not really my scene.

But....but...but...

Reward behavior you approve of with eye contact, smiles, and other positive reinforcement. Punish behavior you disapprove of with physical, social, or emotional withdrawal

I would take that request literally and roofie his lasagna.

Sorry, what? I was momentarily transported back in time to a Wet Seal store, c. 1997. On a more serious note, I believe that may be a Betsey Johnson dress.

Are you saying that...children's culture was appropriated? The nerve! Do you know how many child friends I have?!

Hopefully it comes with it's own comb

Someone please twerk with one of these.

THE OTHER GUY WAS OMAR

I got as far as:

"Aw yeah, Sun. Did you rise just for me? How'dya like to shine your luminous beams all over my naked body? I know the latitudinal coordinates for a topless beach you could meet me at. Wait! Why you hiding behind that cloud? I'm just trying to pay you a compliment. Bitch! I like the moon better anyway!"

I just read the whole "letter" twice, and I have only one question:

How long do you think it took her to type that, given all the pearls she was clutching?

Lentil & Lindsay are my neighbors!

For one brief moment I was like "Who's Nicole Polizzi?" And that was beautiful.

YES, THANK YOU.

Jezebel Comment Threads: The only place where people trash Lena Dunham for drawing attention to a horrendously racist movie, yet completely gloss over a tasteless, offensive joke about labor camps.

First, UGH FOREVER.

Actually WTF is the correct response, but Seriously?! would have also been accepted.