Statements, New York 1999, my first book, whose two parts I wrote when I was 17 and 19 years old, respectively. It deals mainly with issues of ethics, aesthetics, and the philosophy of history. It also contains my first critique of academia.

Jelly sandals were back this past summer. It was a city full of swamp feet here in Philly.

So let’s just get to the heart of the matter: they poop, like, all the time, right?

It took me way to long to figure how what you mean, because I read it as “the mom being poked.”

Swizzle stick is a drink stirrer. Clearly you mean Twizzle (or even worse, red vine...)

Santa in the background does NOT approve of your shit, Durham.

IDK, if I was there, and I had starved myself to fit into some fancy dress, I’d be throwing money at those girls so I could get as many thin mints as I could carry.

Wait, she’s having her friend take all of these pictures???

My husband’s last name is Finger and I use it all the time. He hates/loves it.

This just made your first comment even better. All the stars.

My hero = you.

You can buy my preserved tears of terror from watching Return to Oz for like a tenth of that price...

The 17th century was really crappy.

I mixed rum + pineapple + bourbon and I am pretending it’s a tiki drink. ALSO I want to mix this with a good candy bar...

Can it become a horror movie just so they can call it Trap or Treat?

Lindsey Lohan is all of us when we were 19-years-old and in front of the display of cubic zirconia rings at Kohl’s.

Wait is that a Tiger Woods joke?

Can somebody explain why she uses a golf club during her shows? Is there a song about putt-putt?

THIS. Expect to burst into tears about dumb shit you never thought twice about, like mittens.

That’s my drug of choice (when I am hyperventilating over whether or not I should get a burrito which is a real thing I have had panic attacks over)!