flappy ears are always welcomed.

YES! That bulldog puppy was what I needed.

I approve of this kitty cuddle puddle.

Jeebus, is it Shitty Dad Day on Jezebel? Please tell me this is the last of these articles for at least today.

My pipes are frozen at the moment, and I just had to wash my hair with a bucket of water, so somebody else please make a Mortal Kombat joke because I am too tired to do so.

Well, NOW I get it...

Wait, what does the frog and soup emojis mean? Is this hip twitter slang that I was not aware of because I am 30 years old and than means I am no cool anymore?!

I have a friend who runs a foot cart in Portland. She has so many stories of people watching their gluten intake who order the meatballs (which have breadcrumbs in them, and she tells that to every customer), that it's not even funny anymore. And they always respond with, "well, a little is OK."

I was planning on ebaying the dress, and then putting it back on ebay post-wedding.

My friend is making us get J Crew bridesmaid dresses, which are TWICE as much as my wedding dress for my own wedding.

Dog, knitting, LEGO, booze.

It already exists and it is hilarious and heartbreaking:

COOL KIDS: What is a rage fest, and can I bring my own fanny pack filled with snacks n' bourbon?

"Roberts, who has grown close with his dad despite being conceived after the killer raped his mother during an orgy in 1967"

I went up to NYC to visit my parents, and we went out to the Post House for dinner. While waiting at the bar for our table, I decided to look at some of the artwork they had on the opposite wall. When I turned back to the bar, this random guy in a performance fleece bumped into me. As he did so, he grabbed my…

I would be in the back, complaining about how loud everything was and how paying $8 for a gin and tonic is a rip off. I would not even have noticed the loud sex.

So more like this then....

I haven't gotten around to watching OITNB, but I am interested in this ADORABLE FREAKING PIGLET!

The Artist Formerly Known as "Lil' Goblet," Now Known as "Gob"

I'm not a creep, I just want a blow job from a stranger because I'm giving her a ride! It's cool cause I'm clean and Caucasian AND CANADIAN!