Rob Gronkowski says he couldn’t sleep for weeks after a fairly routine hit in the Super Bowl

“My man on lock so hard, he got a deadbolt AND one of those sliding chain things. He got The Club in cars he don’t even own. He got a key card system, where if you lose your card you gotta go all the way to the front desk and put down a $5 deposit for a replacement! You lose that key and you don’t get your $5 back.…

To paraphrase: You need to be terrified of #MeToo, bitch.

You also come here to do some pretty dirty things with apostrophes.

I come here every day to read funny and insightful comments, so I guess we’re both pretty disappointed.

I think this is ridiculous. The Presidential Medal of Freedom is an incredible honor no matter who’s giving it to you and for West to decline would be ridiculous. Besides, how do you know he doesn’t support Trump? If he does, then turning down the medal just to appease Liberal sportswriters would be ridiculous. I…

That’s why I don’t watch the local news. Nothing but endless puff pieces.

Can we agree that the topheavy margarita glass\martini glass is an awful design? I feel like they designed it knowing that there would be a good chance that the drinker would knock it over, thus needing to buy more booze.

“You know what I like.”

You’re a lousy writer, I hope you and the rest of your cronies lose your jobs to better talent.

Guaranteed to have a better finish than the Chargers this year.

I hate having those unexpected ejectulations when reaching first base.

No offense, but this turnover of used RBs smells of an attempt by the Radiers to cornerbacks. Safety in numbers, a means to an end. I’ll tackle this concept later.

I think you meant “basketball-playing god” but I like the way you wrote it where LeBron is actually an enormous basketball that pretends to be God.

They should call it ALL CAPS STADIUM.

You’re more suspicious of that than the fact that Jason Elam apparently warped through fuckin’ time and ended his career in 1907?!

I think you’re burying the lede here, Patrick. Did the Broncos actually retire John Lynch’s number after 4 seasons? And they were only a dominant team for one of those years, 2005. Honestly, if that’s not white privilege, I don’t know what is.

“I have things, Medrawt. Can you alter me?”