I would like to take this opportunity to remind you all that Henry Rollins is on the list of people with whom you can have sex and it won't be cheating.

My debit card was a godsend (after I learned how to stop overdrafting) when I was a teenager. It was the perfect way to learn about "hypothetical" money without getting bogged down with debt or having to borrow from my parents.

Okay, this feels like a good time to ask:

Ahh rainbow parties and jelly bracelets. Those are on my list of "things that people think happen but really don't outside of porn," like the shocker and Cleveland Steamers.

They can bite me. I didn't have sex until I was 100% ready, and I wouldn't change a thing about it.

To be fair, I grew up in a really affluent area (although I was from the middle class part of town), so teen pregnancies were easier to "handle," if you catch my drift.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF THE TEENAGE BOYS ARE GIVING HEAD AS WELL. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

As someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety, I can attest to this. It also helps to externalize negative thoughts. For instance, if I feel like everyone is mad at me (a way that my depression manifests itself), I stop, take a breath, and tell myself that that's the depression talking. It not only helps you…

Don't you have a youtube video to go troll?

I love you too. I feel so bad for the first guy I blew (and made out with and gave a handjob to... he was an interesting bump in the road of my sex life) because I know it must have been terrible. I was gagging, letting teeth out everywhere... yeah. Thankfully, Boyfriend has been very understanding and turned me…

Lord have mercy on any relative of Boehner's that happens to be gay.

I think it'll depend on how mature my kids are. There are definitely kids out there who can responsibly handle relationships by age 13. Others can't handle it until their 20s or 30s. I don't know that I'll set a certain age before which they can't date (which, to me, just cries "date behind my back"). I'll…

Well good thing that I was awkward and ugly in middle school.

Sigh.

That and "But I'm a Cheerleader" are the two most underrated girl power movies of the 90s.

I'm 100% going to see this because James Franco is basically playing Riff Raff.

I think they should have Sasha Gray and James Deen make it. Porn with a wide release. Everyone wins.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Did I miss the handing-blowjobs-out-like-candy memo? Because, like, most of my friends didn't give beejs until well into their teenage years, and I didn't give mine until I was 21. And even then, it wasn't like it was expected. Oral was always seen as a quid pro quo thing on the journey to full-scale penetrative…

See, there's this thing called "appropriate time and place." It is not always a good time or place to lock eyes with areolae.