Damn, even DEZ can’t afford tickets for more than 2 games at Jerry World.

This is a major reason why I hate salary caps. Revolving door rosters do nothing to promote fan loyalty, and rivalries that anchor deep in your gut and make you commit to your team like a moral centre rather than just a byproduct of a geographical accident. Dez Bryant is one of the many reasons you can dislike or hate…

He’ll watch the other Cowboys games from home.

You seem to be implying that Dez can run 50 yards without dropping the ball.

I’ve read this story three times and I still can’t figure out what the fuck is going on. I’m just going to assume that all three of these people are probably assholes.

Can I get anyone a coffee?

So Kapler is a spitter, not a swallower. Got it.

Gabe: “That looks amazing.”

Does this count as a recruiting visit?

Once they reached the raccoon’s lair, the scuzzy little rodent turned and asked Leach why he’d followed him all this way.

Glad I rode this one out, +1

Big deal. Lane Kiffin tracks beavers all the time.

“Oh, you gotta track a raccoon every chance you get. Those varmints will lead you right to the best trashbins in town. Now, if you see more than one, you might think you should trail the fattest, but those are just lazy. Real limited range. The lean ones? Now they get around. You wouldn’t believe what you’ll come…

how to properly track a raccoon through suburbia

you got the wrong MatisyahuSerious and the Ragged Tiger, please remove - have a great day!

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They’re actually looking through his crotch, at his wallet in his back pocket. Like Superman, except hoes. I believe the prophet Soulja Boy wrote of this 

That was a misprint. It’s actually a “hooker bar” and for obvious reasons they have asked for discretion.

fooling around with two women who are not Khloe Kardashian