Edit: Damnit Kinja. I posted that once.

which is the real message he’s bundling up in “blame me” platitudes

Seriously. Cadre. What the actual fuck? That’s like Supervillain 101 right there.

Every Scooby villain is an old white guy trying to commit real estate fraud.  That show was really ahead of its time.

Early reports on an incident like this aren’t always accurate, but I read that the patrons of the bar beat the hell out of the assailant, to the extent that police have to wait til he receives medical attention to question him.  I’m okay with that.

“Oh calm down, it's just ketchup.”

Seeing lots of “I’m a Yankees fan, but...” and “I hate the Red Sox, but...” on the internet tonight. Cool, man, you don’t want the human beings who arbitrarily wind up playing for teams in a different geographic location than you to literally die. Awesome, that’s very noble.

Gardner Reaps What He Sows

Yeah, let’s fire up the popcorn maker, and see who comes away with her hair and nails still on. My money’s on Joy.

And those sunglasses.  Never fuck with the people who do your glam, clean your home or make your food.  Just, maybe never fuck with people?  A stretch, but one can dream.

Meghan McCain, who is John McCain's daughter would take issue with you bringing her father, John McCain, into this conversation. John McCain.

I’m shocked that a woman who is only famous because of her father might have some entitlement issues and be horrible to under staff.

Look at that face and bow tie.

I never signed the “No Body-Snarking” Pledge. I will continue to critique the outward appearance of people I find to be ugly on the inside. I’m sure yours won’t be the only “tut-tut” I receive.  I’m looking forward particularly to Richard’s.  

In humor there is truth.

the only reason he thinks he can get away with it is literally every single experience he’s ever had.

Billy shut it all down with “Homer,” but I thought we had a good run.

Well this is the first time injuries have ever played a factor in the NBA playoffs, so this is important to discuss

A lot of veterans are idiots. 

Through some weird as hell combination of disliking Drake, liking Steph and Klay, and disliking Kevin Durant, I find myself rooting for the Warriors for the first time (excepting when they play Houston) in years. I want them to win without Durant so that he has to see them win without him (again), and because the way…