Um, El Paso is land-locked.

I used to get really stoked for football, but the last few years I just can’t stand just being home and watching tv on Sundays when I could be out enjoying the fall weather. In the past I’d go on some nice long bike rides, but last year and this year I’ve gotten into cyclocross bike racing, which is super fun off road…

America’s last great vice? What about voting against one’s self interest? That still seems to turn a lot of people on.

Add this to the list. 

God, I love this show. I still remember the first time I tuned in to Car Talk. It was 20 years or so ago, and the puzzler that week just happened to be the famous “dimly lit quonset hut” one. From then on, every time they made a “from the inky shadows...” reference, I was in on the joke and it made me feel right at…

And Obama went to Hawaii for Christmas break, not like every other weekend to play golf. (Remember, he going to Hawaii was ‘bad’ because he wasn’t rich enough to just own a large estate everyone could stay at for free, like Bush and his ranch, for example. Ignore that Trump stays not at his ‘estates’ but his ‘clubs’,…

Always be the good person.

NOPE NOPE DISMISS DELETE NOPE FUCK YOU WHY DID YOU PUT THAT IN MY BRAIN.

I did not learn to properly use a Kleenex until I was thirteen.

“Brenda, this party is really dying. UNLEASH THE KITTENS!!!”

Strategic kitten reserves are a staple of any good party.

A whole team full of schmelts, boys.

The Super Bowl was so boring that people at the party didn't even stop talking through the commercials. The hosts had locked away their kittens but let them out at halftime to entertain us because the game sure wasn't getting the job done. 

*strategically-kicked trash bin*

It’s fucking embarrassing.

But, even though they didn’t start the fire, it is people like them who leave the barn door unlocked.

cunts are have depth and use, and are warm. She possesses none of those qualities.

No one feels sorry for that stone cold cunt

“Some people are fans of the Los Angeles Chargers.”

Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.