At a bare minimum there would be a roll of bondage tape, and a collar & leash.

And I'm sitting here, thinking to myself, "needs more leash." Also, there would be kneeling and begging. And he might get a "treat."

Oooh, Hiddles with a collar.

Okay, I'll bite.

I have been cackling at this for a few minutes now. Thank you.

This one is also good:

I STILL don't understand how I got to the "omg Hiddles" place. He has lured me with his siren song. O_O

Regarding anything about Nancy Grace running her mouth ever:

My mom put me on MetaboLife (remember that one guys).

My God, I would literally sell my soul to be kissed/wanted like that (helps that I don't think of myself as having a soul).

Mostly just stuff about whether I was ever involved in a gang, ever stole anything, if I was purposely trying to lie to them, etc. Just basic shit to gauge my "trustworthiness."

Soo, I've been staring at that Coriolanus gif for far too long, and thinking to myself:

I don't care if it is or isn't "technically pizza." It looks gross. It probably tastes gross. I do not like my pizza sauce on top. It needs to be HIDDEN! O_O

Probation officer.

The polygraph results are in, and I'm NOT THE FATHER! (sorry, seemed appropriate).

I know it's wrong, but this is totally me right now.

HAHAHAHA . . . "anymore."

Dear cops of the United States:

So basically: rural, white America, but still solidly middle/upper middle class.

I'm 29. I've pretty much tried to make peace with the fact that this might be something that just does not happen for me. Unlike you, I have a bunch of cards in the deck stacked against me (child sexual abuse, history of depression and anxiety related to that fact [and other factors], never being able to explain to…