Ok, first thing that struck me, if you’re using the “moist” version, is it still the most absorbent in the world? I would think the moist and dry have different applications. Second, “tender virgin new growth fibers.” So you’re cutting down young trees specifically so rich people can wipe their asses? Mmkay.

I’d take nearly anything over “We Saw Your Boobs”.

I would have loved to see Lauren Bacall get her Life Achievement award, for one. Seeing Barbara Stanwyck and Deborah Kerr get theirs were the highlights of their respective ceremonies; such that it made the rest of the night worth sitting through.

I would throw in some random message. It would be “BK wishes to thank her family, her friends, her lord and master who will receive his goat sacrifice in due time, her agent, everyone in the cast and crew...”

Exactly. And I still haven't forgiven them for moving the awards for lifetime achievement/Herscholt Humanitarian, etc., to the non-televised "Governors Awards" ceremony. These recipients are living fucking legends (Hollywood-wise) and they've been booted off the telecast so the host has more time to have a pizza…

I suspect the “pristine spring water” is out of a tap at the plant. Bonus points if the plant is in Flint. *laughs evilly*

VIRGIN NEW GROWTH FIBERS??? I SAID I WANTED POST CONSUMER FIBERS ONLY!!

I wish there was a list people like us could get on for these things. The people who get these don’t really need them (granted, no one *needs* a 15 day waking tour of Japan) but I wish the baskets were donated to normals.

There’s a comedian who helped Chris Rock write his material last time he hosted the Oscars, he admitted to being so cheap he used stuff from his gift baskets as gifts for his wedding party.

I keep reading all of the product descriptions, figuring it has GOT to be a joke. It’s not, right? This is real life? Humans are the worst.

That really stuck out to me too. Like, honest to God, how complicated can the structure of this fancy toilet paper be?

Okay, I think this is a sign that Rome is all ready to burn now.

When my mother said that toilet paper was an item on which to never skimp, I doubt this is what she had in mind

If he doesn’t it’ll confirm that he must have done something TERRIBLE that we just don't know about because there's really no other explanation for it at this point.

The Hunger Games is real.

Rich people are absurd.

New life goal: get nominated for an Oscar just for this basket. Keep the Oscar or donate it to Leo.

don’t read Chuck Palahniuk’s short story ‘Guts’ in the book Haunted.