My boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago, just shy of our 5 year anniversary. He was also my best friend, and all of my other close friends/non-relationship best friends have moved away, gotten married, etc. I feel like I lost not only my boyfriend but the best friend I had left. I went to him about everything.…

I totally did too. Even though that’s completely unrelated, it just sounded like something she would say. “So we do the talking and the seeing.”

...really? I’ve lived in the south my whole life and I’ve never heard that.

Sooo...I’m a little past three months into the breakup of my 5-year anniversary and I’m totally jonesing for some bangs. BUT in my defense, I have had them before and they looked good. Yea? Nay?

He looks like Justin Beiber there...

“Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”

My cat does this. She’ll have her mouth open for a good 5 seconds, but only like the last 1.5 of those actually produce any sound and even then it’s more like a squeaky “..eeeehhh” than anything.

Nope, I have 0 regrets about that.

Ooh girl, I feel you. Boyfriend of 5 years went from “You’re the love of my life!” to “We want different things!” in like 5 seconds flat recently. But with Shonda back to distract us and a good, Olivia-sized serving of wine, we will get through this!

Ok. So I haven’t watched the HTGAWM episode yet (it’s waiting on my DVR!) but I didn’t say anything when the season finale aired (mostly because I was late to the party) but CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT HOW I REALLY, REALLY THINK THE GIRL THAT LOOKS LIKE YOUNG JENNIFER CONNELLY (can’t remember the character’s name) IS THE…

Well done! And thank you for your diligence. I had definitely forgotten some of this.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK.

That is also my automatic reply, almost down to the word...

There’s this lady who comes into the restaurant I work at and always experts to eat for free, no matter what she orders. The best part is, though she does know the owner, she herself isn’t the owner’s friend. She’s the mother of a friend. Still, every time I drop her check off she gives me this offended look, says “Is…

Oh, don’t worry. I think as long as you’re still polite, any reasonable person won’t be bothered with it. I’ve had customers who wouldn’t look me in the eye, but they would kind of smile in my general direction and say “please” and “thank you” with everything, so I figured it was something like that. As a fellow…

Look, the customers at our restaurant have this really annoying (and eerily accurate) habit of ordering coffee when no one else wants it, so I have to make an entire pot for one person, who has one (maybe two if I’m lucky) cup. And then no one orders anymore for the rest of the night. Or they order it after the first…

I really, really hope so. But I’m honestly not sure.

I feel like the Placebo Effect is a strong enough force to counteract any worry I might have about this. And yes, when I have a full pot of decaf and a customer asks for regular, I totally give them the decaf.

When my manager used to work at an Outback, she got stabbed in the hand with a fork by a customer because she tried to move their bread plate :/. I believe it.

Ok, look. If a server comes over to you holding a bowl with a napkin, and then sets pasta in front of you that is clearly still boiling in the bowl, and then says, “Please be careful because the bowl is extremely [not just hot, but extremely] hot” and then you still proceed to touch said bowl, I’m sorry but I have no…