I’m going to go out on a limb and say that on the vast majority of occasions in which people complain about Ronaldo not even bothering to walk back to midfield or play any defense whatsoever, he was not under explicit orders from coaches to that effect.

I do not advocate destroying our Earth to find another planet to die on.

His eye-hand coordination is incredible. This is from just last week:

I hate to credit a Hooser but Billy was robbed on that second throw by ghosts.

“NEIIIIIIII!”

I’d rather watch a big pound the ball with his back to the basket for 22 seconds than watch James Harden’s bullshit.

I would rather talk about my feelings than watch James Harden play basketball.

Harden has the corniest game of any superstar in the league. Beyond that fugazi foul above, half his drives involve shoving the ball into a defender and snapping his head back while shrieking. It’s genuinely unwatchable. Which sucks, of course. I’d really like to enjoy watching the team with the best record in the…

Wait, what? I don’t really care for that particular courtesy, but you can’t deny it exists if you have ever watched anything more than a negligible amount of non-American soccer.

-was the victim seriously burned and rushed to the hospital - not funny

Life is so much more enjoyable if you allow yourself to have some fun, I promise.

You can tell Scocca is important here because Craggs actually wrote something about him instead of putting it off until the last moment and missing his deadline.

Because nothing can go wrong against the Patriots at the 1 yard line!!

I’m disturbed to learn that this happens.

Please have him email me and tell me what the alloys are before I perish.

On a run: the smallest sliver of football must touch the invisible world-spanning plane for it to be a touchdown.

It’s so weird to keep hearing that because not only is Season 1 my favorite Leftovers season, it’s my favorite drama season of all time.

That’s cold-blooded.