My God. It's the ultimate Jalopnik staff group project car. A little something got everybody. 

This does not have nearly the number of stars it should.

You know, aside from being completely wrecked. 

That was my thought... my daily is a 2013 X1, and it looks just about the same. 

I THINK that used to be an X1, but I'm really not sure. Holy shit. 

Oh, and lest I forget, he was doing this in the context of bitching about Kristen being inferior to Stef Schrader, who, having heard her name invoked from miles away, immediately showed up to inform him that Kristen was awesome and he could eat a dick.

There was a dudebro a while back (with a handle implying he was a Catholic priest, go figure) who decided to go after Kristen and call her unqualified to write about cars for no better reason than she wouldn’t personally answer his question about what kind of car she drove or if she even drove one.

Doug DeMuro would 100% buy one of these from Carmax and use his MaxCare warranty to fleece them.

1st gear: I’m convinced that this would’ve eventually happened to Sergio, too, if he hadn’t had the good sense to return to Planet Bezos earlier this year. He just seemed way too shady for something not to be up.

Hell no. A Buick station wagon absolutely screams 'Merica, provenance be damned. You can keep your stinking badges.

The '90s Rams looked cool, though. The new Silverado HD is butt fucking ugly.

Neutral: Part of the problem with the Cruze was the 2nd generation of it. I owned a 1st gen Cruze, which I thought was a (mostly) brilliant little car. I drove a 2nd gen Cruze for work, and I thought it was vastly inferior to the 1st gen Cruze.

If only it was a wagon. But it’s not.

And the fact that he’d be champion was determined once Vettel started fading weeks ago.

It was a great car, but I was in my 20s and didn't have the money I needed to keep fixing things that broke. Trading it in on that goddamn minivan is one of my greatest regrets. 

CARS I HAVE WANTED SINCE SEEING “BULLITT” AS AN 11 YEAR OLD IN 1992:

Y’all, we’re missing the true point of this:

But... Marines draw dicks on EVERYTHING! It's part of their culture! If one thought he could get close enough to the Commander in Chief with a Sharpie and get away with it, every single president we've ever had would've had a dick drawn on his face! 

Neglecting so wonderful a Mustang is the automotive equivalent of meth mouth, except in your case, meth is spelled J-E-E-P.