I thought there was something fishy about this story. Why assume it was a raccoon anyway? It could have easily been a dog.

Lovey just wants a donut. Why do you want to deny her?

All those glowing eyes in the night. To be young and free.

We should domesticate raccoons as pets. It’s a sign of our failure as a civilization that we have not already.

I came to the comments for labia-sandwich jokes, and I left disappointed.

It reminded me of the retreat on Transparent that the trans character tries to go to only to be run off by mean radical feminists.

It looked to me as if Larry was giving the side eye to big cat skinned shoes, but with only as much passion as a reclining feline can muster, which is to say, not very much.

She really should ditch this loser and find a Mr. Soze to marry.

Didn’t even merit a full fourth sub. :(

This hashtag made me laugh for a solid minute.

On the other hand, it’s evidence that optimism still exists in this world.

When you do your thing do you go for a real celebrity, a reality celebrity, or a citizen who happens to be some type of celebrity even though you didn’t know that at the time?

Are these candles still for sale? Because my life has a lot of negativities.

I guess a ban is the only answer.

Could just as easily been the devil, saving his pawn for future degradation of truth and civic pride.

I think I’m a Kaffee Hag. I want my drink now.

All this time I’ve been tearing my lettuce by hand, like a real philistine.

Ingrid Bergman. Can’t go wrong with classic.

I am amazed. I totally guessed Margot Tennenbaum, probably because she's the iconic female ingenue I most aspire to be. I love your friend and I've never even met her.

You could at least give us a hint.