I am proposing they sell this alternative coin.

I enjoyed these as well:

The responses on Twitter are pretty damn good but I think my favorite reply was courtesy of Mr. Fuck:

I pray her kid is never constipated.

Yes. There is a tool called a nose frieda made just for this purpose. I’m an excellent snot sucker, but I’ll be damned if any of that shit gets in my mouth.

Goddamn kids. Not that kind of rally!

Later that night they planned to burn a large wooden T on someone’s lawn. To let them know it was the Tennis team.

I guess I’ll type it as a nudge before someone turns it into a bludgeon.

I just think it’s sad that he didn’t even take her on a date until after they were married.

If it weren’t for the legal glitch that last year unearthed his juvenile record as a sex offender, they could almost convince themselves they were in for a night of baseball as usual.

I didn’t realize “Oh, the places you’ll go” had another literal meaning.

A deuce is a deuce

And you thought Mr. Votto was pissed.

Serves the Tim Horton’s worker right for asking her how she felt about fellow Canadian James Paxton recently throwing a no-hitter on Canadian soil.

“The shitters are getting bolder” is a phrase I never thought would pass through my mind, yet here we are.

It is utterly pathetic that Sanders’ equivocating, weak, both-sidesy statement is the closest thing we’ve seen to a nationally prominent* US politician’s condemnation of a fucking massacre. They can rot.

“Spit out that mouthful of kimchi!”

“No, I don’t want to talk to Gilfoyle! He’s a racist and a witch!”

i love jared so much

“How would you like to die today, motherfucker?”