You’re a fucking tool, bro.  

If the Fresno Grizzlies do not proceed with the Taco Truck Throwdown and competitive eating contest on Saturday this means that the tacos will have won.

This just makes me want a next gen Midnight Club.

Please tell me we’re going back to the glorious nonsense that was Most Wanted’s story mode and cutscenes...

Of course they’re not going to let him play with the same helmet he’s played in his whole career. A Steelers helmet would look stupid with a Raiders uniform.

Lukaku skipped town to return to Belgium, where he trained with his old club Anderlecht

I don’t understand soccer, and so I am therefore obligated to dislike and fear it.

No, this is poetic:

I sleep 8 hours a night, spend time with my wife, don’t answer e-mails off hours and I’ve NEVER been fired by the Dolphins.
Check and mate, shitbrains.

Required:

Going from being a player to a manager isnt such a simple transition, I dont know if Rooney will be able to just transplant himself into this new role.  You cant just plug in old ways of doing this.  Some differences cant be simply combed over.

If you are not a racist asshole but watch Fox news then you are complicit to the actions the racist assholes take due to the racist bullshit Fox news spreads.

Oh sure it looks bad, but that's only because you put exactly what they said into print with the appropriate amount of context around it to get across exactly what they were trying to say!

The Ray Lewis bust would have been more successful, but he was able to ditch the white suit in the nick of time.

Deadspin is not your personal erotica site!

it depends on several things: where you are in your current contract, years of service, accolades like all nba, how many cups of coffee you can drink without murdering someone, how many times you’ve driven the autobahn, if you can parallel park downtown in Seattle, how long you can hold your breath, it’s all right…

I once had a boss fold her arms like a child and refuse to accept my resignation. After about 10 minutes I gave up trying and just walked down the hall and gave it to the head of HR. Apparently, she felt it looked bad on her if one of her direct reports quit. Previously she had announced another woman’s retirement…

sorry bout Zion

Even sadder is that he didn’t pass due to the last question, that was always meant more as a joke.

Perfect. But they have to keep their blue uniforms (or sign an extremely depressed big man) so that someone on the team can create space on the perimeter for Kawhi and Paul, earning the nickname Blue Screen of Death