He likes America like he likes his wife: Laying on her back, passive, not making a sound, not enjoying herself. Basically a flesh gym sock for him to flop spasmodically on for a minute or two occasionally because it’s her duty.

I don’t think he understood that what he said might come off as vaguely sexual. You see, on his planet, one procreates by exchanging protein streams through one’s tentacles.

Lying down with your back on a mat is standard Ted Cruz dating protocol. The ballgag is implied, not explicitly mentioned (plausible deniability).

Dear Abby,

Um, he invited her over to study and then drove her to an isolated area? Yeah, that’s not predatory at all! Just a communication problem. smgdh

I told two of my close friends about what happened. One said he had essentially raped me. The other said it doesn’t count as rape because even though I said it hurt, I didn’t say it forcefully enough.

Why is a teenager writing to Dear Abby at this point? Write to Dear Prudence, to Dan Savage, or to Dear Sugar Podcast — and those are just off the top of my head.

I’m making a mental note right now that if I ever make it to Scotland, I will pack my own sheet...

Whoever told you that you can't wash blankets was grossly misinformed.

OK - what kind of duvet & duvet covers are you using? Are they magic?You must share with rest of us.

I don’t have enough space in my room to do this. The bed takes up the whole damn room. Anyway, this whole argument is because a bunch of people’s parents didn’t properly teach them how to make their beds when they were kids. Topsheets are mandatory.

Correct answer: Because we’re not goddamn animals.

I have never ever gotten my duvet cover on in 60 seconds and I have to spend time during the week adjusting the fucker because it doesn’t stay nicely inside the cover and bunches towards the bottom and or sides.

That’s why you tuck it under the mattress. Then it doesn’t tangle up.

Yes, what the shit Europe? Why is the only thing covering the bed a massive down duvet no matter what time of year it is?

Bu this is how I do it! And then I have to redo it, because it didn’t quite work somewhere... Maybe I’m just the Princess and the Pea Duvet?

I dunno how that is supposed to work with my king-size duvet without my arms feeling like they’re about to fall off. I don’t have the upper body strength to do this.

My son is in fifth grade and he sleeps in his clothes every night. Sports shorts, and a tee in warm weather, hoodie in the winter. Are you saying that this is something he will eventually grow out of? I thought there was something wrong with him but perhaps it is a boy thing? As far as sheets go he just sleeps on a…

I respect your stance, but I want to point out that putting on a new duvet cover on correctly takes me a million years, not 60 seconds. If I don’t spend a million years on it, the duvet gets all bunchy in weird ways inside the duvet cover and nothing, not even sharing a bed with a rabid hedgehog is more annoying to me…

best comforters I’ve gotten have been from BB&B with my coupon