Women, Nationwide is NOT on your side.

Derelicte?

I had a United flight attendant attempt to get me kicked off a flight, after she tried to pull my cane out of my hand while I was still standing (and as such using it for support).

Well, this was obviuously not the work of a novice but a masturburglar.

Or caught wang-handed.

I guess you could say he got caught...

With his wiener in his hands...

Yep- and let me tell you, it banged me up a lot worse than the razor burn on Darren Wilson's face.

Not that Cohen's column necessarily helps, but if men are committing most sexual assaults then there ought to be a lot of conversation about finding ways to prevent that, no? This column was fairly ham-fisted, but it is talking about/to men with the intent of preventing sexual assault. Color me not-outraged on that…