Go fuck yourself.

“MOOOOOOM, can you drive me to the protest?”
“Alright, laddie. Do you have your long gun?”
“Yep AND my short one!”
“Ok, but don’t stay too late or get too arrested or your salisbury steak will get cold!”

Success

Well you’re dumb then. 

I am not a lawyer, but I will admit to thoroughly enjoying shit like this. It is the driest and most matter of fact smack downs one can witness and I am here for it.

I thought, “Wait, did he get remarried and I missed his breakup with Kristen?”

I almost clicked on it because I was like...does Dax have a brother named Jax? I’d like to speak with their parents...

Well, first you’d need to find a way to use racism to promote your progressive platform.

I grieve for America.  That’s a lot of people who looked at Trump and said “I’m ok with this”.

Pepperidge Farm remembers...

It’s funny that he cribbed that term from a fucking movie character that would’ve been denigrated as a free love/swinger/dirty hippie.

International Man of Mystery = I’ve never been anywhere and have read 2 Tom Clancy novels

Have to love a wannabe journalist, writing on journalism, not knowing how to spell "cite."

Napkins do be slutty though. 

*cited*
not sited

Yeah,I paid off just over 50k in student loans in 2 years, but I’m 100% behind people getting some relief. Not everyone gets a high quality degree from a high quality school and lucks into a good paying job from it. I recognize that.

He also won for most punchable face ever

You want loan forgiveness? Sue your bank for 10 times what you owe and accuse them of predatory lending. Worked for Trump.

But how long till we get to say things like ‘trump card’ again without cringing? Is it never? It kinda feels like never.

I love the concept, but your meter and cadence are slightly off.