Why does Donald Trump want a cake of Bob Newhart in a wig?

[thinking emoji]

More like Fiji, she once heard it’s the farthest you can go before you start to come back.

That’s the whole genius of Trump’s campaign: it’s just a massive MadLibs for angry while folk.

“You see when he says he’s going to ‘Make America Great Again’, he means that he’s going to (verb) the (noun) so that the (noun) is (adjective)! He really understands me!”

Tim Kaine waited in line.

“Why won’t anyone respect my right to be a racist?”

I bet Kellyanne has her carry-on packed and in a corner with a ticket to Bali burning a hole in her pocket.

As a Pats’ fan, I hate that anyone on the New England Patriots might support this hate-fueled, orange demagogue, but then I remember that most owners and coaches of sports franchises are horrible, horrible assholes. Except you, Cuban. You’re all right.

My grandmother is an 89-year-old, black woman. She doesn’t leave the house much anymore because she’s sick a lot but she got up to vote for Obama and she’s up today to vote for Hillary. It’s a blessing to be able to watch her experience such progress.

Yup, I agree. This is miles better than, say, Gov Charlie Baker who says he’s not going to vote for president, only down ballot, this year. Granted, MA is nowhere near a swing state, but what the fuck. You can’t bring yourself to say anything but the most noncommittal thing about Trump? Trying to thread that needle, I…

I guess he hasn’t gotten the memo that one could use computers to review 650K emails in some sort of automated fashion.

Wasn’t there a food reviewer who invited a health inspector into his home kitchen and the guy was like, “I would shut you down immediately.”

Listen, we don’t need science anymore. We have the Internet.  

She picked the wrong krill to die on.

I thought this was common knowledge. All the house hunting/home renovation shows are “faked” in a similar way. Personally it doesn’t make a difference to me, I watch these shows for the entertainment value of judging other people’s taste (and learning about the real estate market in random foreign cities on HH…

Trolls love it when you respond/react. It’s their reason for living. The best tactic, then, is to NOT give them what they want.

Just to add: everyone has the power to dismiss! Anyone should feel free to dismiss trolls who reply directly to them.

Hi Jezzies! Sorry to post this here on SNS, but it must be done.

Customers ought to be grateful when I don’t punch them in the mouth with their attitudes.

Roz Chast is a genius!