They use a twig. Completely plant based!

That race is rigged.  No matter which corgi wins, the prize just goes to the Queen’s corgis.  

Banning Greyhound racing? Did one of the buses turn over?

Why not get one now? Why not get a corgi now and just let it bark all damn day, to its heart’s content, in a tiny apartment that is surrounded on 3 sides by other tenants?

Bright, guys. 

Finally, an expert opinion I can trust.

This is clearly the worst thing that’s ever happened to OJ Simpson. 

Much like all good colts who have suffered injuries, Andrew Luck will retire to a lovely farm upstate.

* grabs shotgun *

* takes Luck out back *

I guess you could say Indy's luck has........run out.

I have driven an hour+ to get some Sheetz.

I am anxiously awaiting the day when “This Week in Hungry Bears" and "This Week in Overturned Trucks" gets a crossover post. 

They worship gas station food.

*refrigerator bear*

Everything is chaos, all across the culture, all across the economy, all across the political diaspora, and in the new world order a man’s word is his shiv.

Because Peterman didn’t find a way to get his checkdown pick-sixed (75 yards)?

Frankly, they should have played the game in a park with trees and picnic tables and gopher holes and parked cars and an uneven surface and a concrete path running diagonally across the field.

Your hat is goofy. You’ll never make it to the NFL with a goofy hat. Think classy, you’ll be classy. Win 6 Super Bowls, you can wear the goofy hat and the press’ll think you’re colorful. Until you win 6 Super Bowls, however, it means you’re a slob.

ESPN’s ACK! Network Will Rely On Unmarried Middle-Aged Women And Mangy Feline Presidential Candidates