The result of the Neymar Sweepstakes could very well determine the next half-decade of European soccer.

I still have this GI Joe (sans hammer) in my attic to this day

Ah the source of my favorite tennis gif

I was at the 2012 London Olympics when Serena totally mind-fucked Sharapova by showing up to the match waaaay late and then completely steam rolling her.

And there’s something rotten in the crisper drawer, if you know what I mean.

Alkali baby asprin

You’ve made me realize I haven’t been living to my fattest potential.

Add some milk to the ice cream, screw the cap back on, shake the living hell out of and then drink it from the jar.

Jesus Christ I can hear the Sam Adams in that comment.

That article is nuts ... Chung’s home security system had a false alarm, and the cops came to check on him and discovered the cocaine, presumably just lying out.  That’s a hell of a way to go down.

Well then you’ll be shocked by the big twist!

TB12 brand cocaine is just baby aspirin.

Food waste for internet attention is the highest level of first-world douchebagery that ever existed.

Missed the WYTS deadline for this year, but four weeks ago the corporate entity that I pretend to work at while they pay me a meager wage decided to bring in a celebrity speaker to get us excited about filling out our TPS reports. Being Chicago, they hired Mike Ditka. After a painful incoherant 15 minute speech, that…

Chicago pizza is just lasagna 

I sat in a bar, with my pregnant wife, down in Florida watching that game unfold. The nice locals next to us seemed excited for the Bears about to kick the winning field goal. I told them that he was going to miss it. I had no doubts about this and then he hit those fucking poles. Sat there in my Mack jersey, staring…

My dog has been happy to assist with this task for several years, but I suppose it’s always nice to to have some alternative methods.

Sandwich?! I’m over here still waiting in line for my emotional support chicken! (You can’t even get these on eBay anymore...)

those female players you mention? They haven’t beaten Fed either! #factsandlogic