I would’ve preferred:

“he choked his cheerleader girlfriend Maddy so badly that she had his handprints bruised onto her neck and only managed to sneak his way out of trouble by framing a perfectly innocent man for rape and demanding he confess to the abuse while planting a witness who he was blackmailing.”

They’ll be back, invasive species that they are. The pigs, too.

“They forget you've gotta win," said the Cleveland Browns quarterback.

pickup weenie should pair well with my truck nutz, link pls

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

Everyone went so crazy over the 5-0 start for Jimmy in SF that they overlooked the pedestrian TD/INT ratio (7-5) and his penchant for taking big hits (he did the same in NE in his second start which is why the Pats had to start Brissett for the last two games of Brady’s suspension).

Sad for Jimmy, but this is great. Every time one of his former backups who played wonderfully in NE turns into a pumpkin elsewhere, Tom Brady chews a pair of Kraft’s slippers.

Lions fans are the fans that know about tossed salads.

And a taste of WYTS things to come....

I’ll just leave this here....

“See? I told you.”

As it turns out, the camera operator was Markelle Fultz.

i might be biased, but in my opinion, they are the single worst band of all time, absolutely zero redeeming qualities.

+1 dramatic banjo solo

Mushy & Unplayable accurately describes Mumford’s music

This is the kind of Mumford humor that keeps me coming back to Deadspin.

Yeah I dunno about all that, it just tastes extremely weak and watery compared to uh like regular beer.

You need to get yourself an agent.