When I opened the box there were only a couple of fat lion crackers and some crumbs.

What was not reported: All those caged animals on previous packages were not released into the wild or given new homes. Instead they were given to the care of PETA where they were they were put in new cages. Eventually they were all put down and tossed in a dumpster per PETA facility guidlines.

I just have one thing to say to Norm MacDonald. Stop stealing my moves!

No. He murdered them in a well. It says here on the card.

Food courts don’t have a drive-thru window.

“You’re a fucking dog face. How could you not get that?”

Many native American tribes were quite adept at using all parts of the Sharknado.  

You know who enjoys Norm’s tweets?

Not in the car that he drives!

Sounded like people on twitter wanted to throw him down a well. 

You know, because like birds literally tweet and there’s also a social media platform called Twitter in which messages are called Tweets.

Just beware I’m not taking returns at this time.

“I can walk like a penguin.”

The first image that comes to mind for me is the guy that runs the pizza parlor in 1999 on Futurama. Especially when the king yells “Come on!!!” I have not seen Futurama in a while, so maybe I am remembering the voice differently.

this species of tarantula is a protected species

Is that four ounces per beer left or four ounces total across the four beers? I was taking it as the latter.

I was going to make a smartass joke about Coors Light, but instead, I’m going to waste a significant portion of my Friday giving his videos multiple clicks.

This article is 1098 words longer than it should have been. The first sentence was more than enough.

Thanks for this. Highlighting black-owned businesses is always appreciated.