I wouldn’t touch the Stanley Cup without a hazmat suit.

Is Ovechkin hammered? I’m pretty sure he’s immune to the intoxicating effects of alcohol, especially beer.

J.R.’s got one. Swaggy P’s got one. JaVale has TWO. Who’s left? Who’s the NBA goof without a world championship?

Counterpoint, Kyrie:

JaVale McGee is a back-to-back world champion!

What about Colonel Angus?

My favorite Madden story — hell, favorite video game story — was my girlfriend (now wife) clowning a roommate of mine.

The salary cap is about to get the Warriors.

KD made the right call. Anybody who complains about that is just salty.

Who’s the teammate that LeBron held back? Other than Dwyane Wade, I can’t think of an All-Star level player (I’m not counting old guys like Shaq and Ray Allen) who’s played with LeBron who’s had any success without him. Chris Bosh never got out of the 1st round in Toronto, and his best year as a Raptor ended with a…

+1 For the Scott Steiner reference. #BigBadBootyDaddy

Counterpoint: The Cleveland Cavaliers have been around for 48 years, 11 with LeBron. They’ve made it out of the 1st round of the playoffs twice in the 37 non-LeBron years. They were in the lottery the five years previous to drafting LeBron. When he left for Miami they missed the playoffs every year. They had the #1…

Yeah, the Cavs had two Powerball tickets and now they have one.

Sure. The most efficient offensive team in the history of the sport vs. the worst defensive team to ever make the finals. This series was over the moment Chris Paul blew out his hammy.

Oh No! J.R. Smith’s fuck up means the Cavs are going to lose in five instead of six. The horror!

I want to see LeBron’s AC/DC cover band, but everyone is 6'8" like he is instead of 4'8" like everyone in the real band was.

Kyrie scored 27/gm and shot 40% from three that series. He was unguardable. Steph was hurt and the refs let Delly rough him up. He scored almost 8pts under his season average. And Tristan Thompson grabbed 27 offensive rebounds. LeBron was LeBron that series but he had help.

This is an American thing. Everyone thinks that everything they do is universally important. Tyronn Lue is a basketball coach in year two of a 5-year/$35 million contract. He’s delusional if he thinks anything he does is consequential to the success or failure of Cleveland Cavaliers.

Except CP3 is always hurt. This is the third time in four years he’s been injured in the playoffs. If Chris Paul was healthy is like saying if Sam Bradford was healthy.