If this is true, I can’t believe he hasn’t come out yet. I mean, nothing screams “bastion of tolerance and understanding” like Green Bay, Wisconsin.

I could study this comment for years. Like a biblical scholar dissecting words and phrases and different translations. Betty White. You win man. Every part of this comment is a gold medal.

I’m totally cool lying to a foreign government, especially a corrupt one. His allegiance is to the stars and bars, not crooked ass Brazil. But, man, if it’s true he did it to keep his chick from finding out, that’s a bad look. There are levels of chick you obstruct justice over. Kate Upton, Emily Ratajkowski, Betty…

Ryan Lochte is 32 years old! Even Florida State’s PR guy wouldn’t have the balls to chalk this one up to “kids just trying to have fun.”

To be fair, Lochte probably doesn’t know the difference.

Did you not read the article? They're targeting British people and you're cruising around in an Aston Martin? Smdh.

Wait! We need to see if this athlete has any history of being a doofus/party-animal before we’ll enter our take on the validity of this robbery! How did he react? I DEMAND THE FOOtAGE! Please....

I hope he finds his predestined calling as “something beautiful”.

So did he.

Only a fool fucks with Phelps when he’s in compete mode.

And fuck all this nonsense about him partying when he’s not swimming. That man has spent more time honing himself into the perfect swimmer than any of us have spent doing anything (including jerking off). He ought to have a life permit to party the fuck down…