“35! This guy ate 35 cheesecakes!”

There’s only one solution:  make cheaper Honda Civics.

You know, you could buy an actual axe, maul, or sledge for a fraction of that price. Buy an axe and a couple cords of unchopped wood, and at the end you’ll have a workout and some chopped wood you could sell.

You know, you could buy an actual axe, maul, or sledge for a fraction of that price. Buy an axe and a couple cords…

“has already killed 700,000 Americans, or about 1 of every 5 of us”

And here I thought it was my advancing years, aging skin, and receding hairline that made people think I’m old. Turns out it’s the wrong jargon. Who knew?

It’s a Carlin joke. A joke that was Carlin’s. It joked, but it was very Carlin while doing so.

Do they not have jokes where you live?

I dunno, I could never understand the rules of Cricket.

Here’s a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it’s a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It’s a near hit! A collision is a near miss.
[WHAM! CRUNCH!]
“Look, they nearly missed!”
“Yes, but not quite.”

― George Carlin

Whoa! Invoking Hulk Hogan? That’s pretty ballsy for a website that used to be associated with Gawker.

Baked potatoes! Coat those suckers in bacon grease, cook the crap out of them, and get rewarded with a delicious, crispy, bacon-y skin.

My vote would be the 1997 Ford F-250 parked in my backyard. But only that one; I don’t care about your F250. Mine is the best because:  it’s mine; it’s paid off; it’s old enough I don’t mind denting it or getting it dirty.

The Inland Northwest is home to the “world’s largest dodge truck dealership,” so it’s not surprising there are a few weird varieties hanging around.

Conveniently located near Colgate University, so no need to worry about extra cavities.

Would pair nicely with a prickly-pear margarita.

It could be worse. In New Mexico, there’s a story of a guy now nicknamed “Chile Willie.” He apparently rented the services of a hooker in Old Mexico, was doing some unprotected butt stuff, and had a chile seed slide up his urethra.

I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac.

“meat entrepreneur. (Meatpreneur?)“

If memory serves:

Shit, forgot that the Big Titty Mountains are between Jackson and Yellowstone.