In an America where it feels like every day brings a fresh new hell, to see this kind of innocence and gratitude from a kid is fucking adorable.

Sid Crosby after the game: “This is awesome! I can’t remember ever feeling this good. I hope we can repeat as champions next year!”

Spend nutting win nutting

Wait a second. I just looked at the stats for the Penguins during these same four games. Pens Average PIM/Game vs. Capitals: 14.75! Figures don’t lie but liars can figure, eh? Yeah, the Caps are getting the short end against the Pens while they have 5 and a half more minutes per game of penalties!

I grabbed a random team to see the regular season stats: Caps Average PIM/Game vs. Maple Leafs: 13.00 Wow the league must really want Toronto to win! This is what you’ll always see when comparing a small set to an overall average. Some points are on the high side and some are on the low side.

So, an extra .55 PIM per game against the Pens. That equates to one extra 2-minute minor penalty every four games against the Penguins. Even if your conspiracy theory is correct, and this is the result of the league telling the officials to call more penalties on the Caps, one extra minor every four games means that…

A team that is perennially chasing another team, has an inferiority complex with “something to prove” and sees that other team as their chief rival tends to play differently against that rival than they do against non-rivals.

Exactly 8 years ago, to the day!

At least catfish law is less strict down there.

This is the latest point in the season that any team has ever started to try to tank for the number one pick in the draft. Yet somehow it worked!

You must be mistaken. Racism does not exist in Boston

This reminds me of how I smile at my boss when we make eye contact and then after she turns aways I crinkle my nose in distaste.

I believe his line when he activates the lightsaber is actually, “Hel-lo, what have we here?”

Rey, Luke, and the cast of Friends are all eaten by wolves. Tom Brokaw declares them to have been “delicious.”

Deleting an electronic copy of correspondence? Hmm...

Absolutely! He should maybe set up a private email server, too!

Oh! No. It’s because I don’t particularly like the women I work with. :( They’re all very dumb and bad.

Opposite of my favorite game show moment: