Step 1: Picture a bear fondling itself

I choose to the tune of Happy Birthday, which we can do now without the threat of a lawsuit; glad that’s not a problem anymore...

It’s also crazy because at no point in the story so far is one to believe it’s anything but just a natural disaster cause by a meteor impact. Also since we can spoil a decades old game, the group of superpowered villains responsible for it introduce themselves by destroying the entire damn planet you spend CD1 on.

Just a reminder for the complete tools out there:

Bigfoot was the epitome of rad when I was a young and impressionable child.

Fucker looks like if Bryan Cranston played the Batman villain Clayface.

Telling my family about the marijuana advocacy thing made watching the show with them a bit more entertaining, “now, before we head down into Rome from Tuscany, we’ll make our fifth stop to Amsterdam...” 

“Successfully running for elementary school pro wrestling fan club president and wearing Ultimate Warrior face paint during 7-year-old birthday party” was certainly a weird way of showing how you feel sorry for them, Dwayne Valcutta of Middletown, NJ.

Thankfully they have it tagged under ‘explainers’, now whether that needs to be here... sure, it’s their website, their option if they want to have a tag specifically for explaining stuff.

Can someone make a 365-day calendar just filled with crazy Vince McMahon anecdotes or WWE storylines?

This is a great headline. A brilliant story in under 10 words.

Why do we keep bringing up that Mo Salah thing like it was bad? It made Klopp unhappy, so it was good!

He made Klopp unhappy, so, A-OK in my book.

I knew something was off when I saw the mayor driving around a go-kart throwing turtle shells at plumbers and that he was also a giant lizard creature.

STILL too soon.

Steve is the default name for characters because of Steve Grabowski and Steve Bennett.

I dunno, the Flyers trading Bobrovsky and signing Bryzgalov is up there.

3:00pm MST every Arbor Day. Bet you always wondered what that day was about. Finally makes sense now though. For years, people wondered, ‘why is this on my calendar?’, and for some portion of that, ‘what is a super bowl liii?’ but now it all makes sense.

I mean, it is a good fit with Devin Booker as a backcourt duo. Maybe not talented enough, but the fit is there!

I only saw the headline and didn’t know why Parisians were cheering someone for driving a train, but didn’t put it past them to randomly cheer for someone convicted of sexual assault.