Boobs are not feminist. Just because that boob wants its freedom doesn't mean it deserves it.

The world is breathlessly waiting to learn which Jezebel staffers are on which side of this Bieber thing. Who's gonna name names? We deserve to know.

This reminds me of the famous Onion article, "Marilyn Mansion Now Going Door-to-Door Trying to Shock People."

That evening, Linda Schmidt was preparing to drive her daughter Alyssa to a Girl Scouts meeting when she found Manson standing on her porch draped in sheep entrails.

its a psychological slip of locking her lips after being caught in a lie ! we need to start a cogent conversation about this !

In reverse it appears she is picking her nose and then putting something on his neck...

Now I have this clear mental image of the vine playing in a loop on an HD screen in a fine art museum, a bunch of people viewing it as a docent describes the beauty of the piece and it's composition, noting all the secondary characters and their little details.

I think the satisfaction of chucking the monstrosity out would have been much more gratifying than returning it anyway. Even if you got super-sweet socks, they would always be the socks that heartbreak bought.

so i'm going to bet that she's probably never ever getting a decent present from you, ever again!

Well, when I realized what was happening, I sneakily slid some of her additional gifts under the couch and will return them. And the next time I'm home (she lives with my dad, because she's a precious 24 year old snowflake who doesn't understand adulting), I'm snagging the sweater and the Kate Spade necklace too.

I should do this! This is such a good idea - then just mention it to my partner and he can send the link to his in-laws who seem to think I'm hard to shop for - which is shorthand for "Oh, she doesn't follow any sports?"

Ha! I actually asked my ex-boyfriend for a blank notebook for Xmas this year. Lines, but not too dark, and a spine that will hold together, but not too strongly. It's hard to write in a journal that's constantly trying to close on you. I told him to overthink it, since he's really good at overthinking gifts (like the…

Here's the conversation I had with my husband last night: "wow, my family REALLY improved their knowledge of me as displayed by their gift selections. I really feel pretty understood and loved right now. Maybe they've actually started listening to me?" My husband: "you didn't notice these are all from your Amazon wish…

Wow, side-eye by email?? She is a master INDEED.

OMG YOU GUYS. Best email ever from my mother.

shantay. shantay. shantay. shantay. (yes, i looked that up and yes, i created an account merely for this comment.)

Clearly, you have never met my mother. She bypasses side eye, and goes for the full on death stare stare. It's a wonder I'm still alive. Although, now that I think about it, I honestly think her stare killed a part of my soul.

when I eulogize you

So funny story...my husband works for Yahoo! in the abuse team..I can easily say that half of the things described above have in some way or another been filmed and attempted to be published to the internet. He and his coworkers are the brave souls that have to watch them and then remove them from various Y!…

I'll be sure to use that phrase when I eulogize you.

When I was in middle school, debating which of the Disney Princes was most fuckable was our favorite pasttime.