If only that tree limb hadn’t missed its mark...

Skeevy Knicks!

I’m glad that the default for my work email is Calibri, and it annoys the shit out of me when people change it from that to something else. Calibri is just fine, leave it the hell alone or change it to Arial if you must.

“I don’t want to get jammed.”

And they have a spicy version!

As you can see in the video, there is no shortage of bootlicking “blue lives matter” cocksuckers who will support thug cops no matter what.

I had a wasp nest somewhere in my chimney. The fuckers kept coming in through the fireplace when it got cold. It’s very anxiety-inducing to be sitting there watching TV or doing whatever and know that there’s the possibility of a couple wasps just flying around. I felt like a hostage in my own house!

Had to bug bomb…

It’s too bad that Fred Trump didn’t pull out.

My front yard is mostly clay and the previous owners let all the sod they planted die off. Thinking about converting it to a sort of ‘desert-scape’ in the future. The backyard is a mix of crab, St. Augustine, fescue, and mondo grass, and I’ll let that shit grow for 3 weeks before having it mowed. I have a small lot…

Man Dwight Yoakam is looking rough.

I have no idea why, but Sheriff Clark always reminds me of Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder:

:)

I left my manners in the Texas Hill Country with the Mayheecans and Germans.

You can kiss my butte!

Did they not teach you how to read in your smaller state? I am not the OP. But please, do go on explaining how the topography of your small state is superior to that of mine, if this is the hill you truly want to die on.

Dude what the fuck are you even talking about.

Ummmm

Also his Wikipedia page has been hilariously updated to reflect this exchange:

Meanwhile Virgil Texas from Chapo is seen here owning my former walking neckbeard of a state rep (he’s still the rep, I just moved to another district):

I imagine that she’s thrilled to finally be able to grow out her hair.