I’d like to defend Gaga’s clap. It’s energy efficient, as she’s only actually moving one arm, and it’s mildly erotic, as she’s not so much clapping as spanking her left palm. 10/10.

It must be hard to type while clutching your pearls.

The story is the interviewer was a creep, Lopez was a cunt, and, while we’re at it, you’re a douche.

If this paragraph doesn’t make you want to sterilize all of humanity and end its reign of death on this Earth, I have no words for you.

This is all the backstory I need

When one of these things comes into my apartment. Because one comes, things come, but you got all confused because you suck at writing, Zack.

You’re obviously not much of a Doctor Who fan, or you’d know that one is never to abbreviate his name.

So you’re saying heart conditions aren’t sexy?

That’s right.  Unless they’re really funny.  Then it’s okay.

“...he didn’t get a role in Martin Scorsese’s The Irishman because him and Scorsese’s buddy Robert De Niro don’t get along.” Are you trying to sound blue collar, or do you genuinely not know how pronouns work?

In addition to David on Spider-Man, I would defend Warren Ellis on Doom 2099, even if he wouldn’t.

Reading the comments here, it would seem that irony isn’t fashionable with the righteous these days. You see, by saying “I was always a Mad TV guy anyway,” he was making the joke that he has sour grapes and shitty taste. It was self-deprecating humor.

‘80s.  Porky’s.  You’re an adult.  Learn how apostrophes work.

If you’re in a community where being a sniveling little snitch is encouraged, I hope you realize that your friends are scum and move on. If not, I hope you end up in prison, where snitches are celebrated the way they deserve to be.

In all fairness, it does seem like the judge’s decision was based on Virginia law.  That said, they should now go about changing that law.

If only you’d been his grammar coach.

This is used as evidence that he’s an asshole, but I don’t see how that’s evidence that he’s an asshole. What am I missing?

He was specifically referring to the “preamble.”  You should have read more carefully.

Meanwhile, you still don’t know how apostrophes work.  Maybe a 70 year-old who isn’t that lazy would be preferable.

Those people misuse “literally” a lot, though.