Eli Roth was that friend in high school who liked all the things you liked but for the wrong reasons

"Needs more gold, fake French stuff, and hookers. Sad."

America's shittiest stepfather strikes again

"See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" — Mark Twain

Lots of obvious padding (like, what, about 20-25 minutes?) in an episode that had still had some strong scenes in it.

TV Pilot: The Movie! In IMAX!

Heh. Yeah, figured he'd be way too inside/insular. Hipster lit scenester/alt-lit poster child.

Maybe blame Tao Lin instead. Though that's probably ascribing too much importance to Tao Lin.

If I ever put out a book, I would love a blurb on the jacket to read "This sounds terrible and I really want to read it".

"Arrived on time and undamaged. My butt was supported. Very white. 5 stars."

Why are you hitting yourself, Donnie? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?

"What if Ned Flanders tried out to play The Joker. Ready, Jake? Action!"

I liked Evil Ned Flanders Gyllenhaal. It's such a bizarre performance, yeah, but I liked it because of how oddball it was.

Guile: Go home and be a family man.

Loved the first half, and thought the second half was just okay.

Calling it now: Young Han Solo is a secret Quantum Leap sequel

Yeah, the show was clearly rushed and ill-conceived. Though even still, Jones' lack of a martial arts background makes his portrayal of the character a hard sell when he has to do a lot of the fighting himself. Getting a stunt performer in a mask could have mitigated those issues. Jones could have dedicated his time…

They really should have considered putting Danny in a mask. You'd be able to have an actual martial artist do the fighting.

What flavor ramen is Iron Fist?

For a guy who underwent 15 rigorous years of kung fu training, he sure sucks at kung fu