I’ve seen this movie, it was pretty good. (Spoiler: the producers die horrible deaths and the audience cheers because setting up a reality show where condemned prisoners kill each other makes you a horrible person.)

Unfortunately, the parents of the victims are either not there (kids in sex slavery) or it’s the parents/relatives/babysitters taking the pics themselves.

There is nothing on this planet as tenacious as family dysfunction.

Don’t you think?

Pretty confident that none of my future mistakes will involve sexual battery and kiddie porn.

and that the court should protect her from “unnecessary harassment” by limiting the scope of the subpoena.

“voluntarily placed herself in a position of danger and exposure to such injuries and damages.”

This is definitely the darkest timeline.

Meth is one hell of a drug.

What’s happening right now? Am I having a stroke? Did I die as foretold yesterday in the Book of Jezebel?

Every time someone mentions Woody Allen as if he has a right to exist in a normal context of living instead of being regarded as a creeper deserving of contempt I get skeeved out.

Lindsay Lohan always seems like she’s high, but this makes me wonder if I am.

It seems very obvious to me that he was criticizing Bill Cosby.

The problem is one many huge artists have they hit a certain point and they have no idea what their audience likes anymore because they are so rich they don’t know any regular people and are surrounded by sycophants.

Without doubt, you have been the most likable and interesting writer Jezebel has had in years. You loss brings the entire site down.

This photo illustrates clearly to me that I have never had a moment of pure glamour. I have occasional brief moments of elegance, joie de vivre, even a flash or two of incandescent beauty, but I never have been, and never will be, glamorous.

This is the saddest I’ve ever been about a Jezebel writer leaving.

While we’re at it, what the fuck has Lebron done lately for the Syrian refugees? Nothing, that’s what. Just sitting there, playing basketball and letting evil flourish.

I’m going out tonight with nothing but a flask of vodka flavored with peppermint extract that I found in my cuppard today that expired a month ago, and a block of cheese for the walk home. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.

Take a roll call or something? Good idea. I plan on being hungover but I will make it my business to be here. We need a specific article to be the rendezvous checkpoint.