First off these war cemeteries are very, very major waste of real estate. Very major waste, ok? A lot of people, big people, say so. Believe me, I’m not the only one. And I know all the fake news and failing Democrat Party will go crying. They will. They’ll cry ‘oh, but we have to honor the dead.’ and ‘oh, it’s sacred…

I think it’s disrespectful to the troops to cover a dumpster with the American flag while that dumpster is on fire.

I did not say they were secretly gay. I said they’d be happier if they just had sex with each other. Sexual identity can be fluid and influenced by environmental factors. If you believe all women everywhere are conspiring to not have sex with you, look for consenting adult sexual partners elsewhere.

Saying incels…

I think the closest historical figure analogous to Trump is William Randolph Hearst if Hearst had actually run for president and if Trump had actually run a sustainable business.

That’s called going Full Soviet.

Can we not do this and by this I mean pathologize the shitty behavior of shitty people. Incels are just shitty people. I don’t care about whatever emotional or psychological issues they may have because, underneath it all, they are just shitty people. Shitty men, specifically. Let’s not pretend these shitheads are…

My advice to “incels:” just have sex with each other.

Well, sure, except for the part where law enforcement investigated the ad and determined there was no threat and no crime was committed. And, to be honest, how do we know you aren’t planning to attack Truman High School in Independence, MO? After all, keeping such plans secret is exactly what a would-be school shooter…

I mean, it could be argued that Splinter’s Medicare-for-all advocacy is appropriating a vital piece of Canadian culture in aid of American hegemony and you should check your privilege, but that would be about as stupid as accusing a politicians of “plagiarizing” policy ideas from think tanks, academics, and activists…

Can this wind farm go back to 1955 and, well don’t physically harm a young Donald Trump, but make him think his dad is gay or something? Whatever it takes to completely alter the trajectory of his entire life.

The two on the ends are strippers but the one next to me in red dress is, I guess, what they call “burlesque.” It’s like regular strippers but it’s arty. They’re kind of, I don’t know what’s the politically correct term because I don’t want to get in trouble with the fatties? They’re pudgy. Is that what they like to…

The Trump boys couldn’t find a barber in London for a proper shave? Maybe you could argue Don Jr. has a full beard but Eric’s face looks like a guy on day 3 of a roadtrip with his bros.

I think he gets he clothes tailored but he doesn’t go to a fitting. He just sends measurements for the size he thinks he is. I bet he thinks he’s about 2-3 inches taller than he actually is and orders his suits for his imaginary height. That’s why everything is too long. My guess is the tailors are smart enough to…

The only correct take for presidential candidates to offer when asked about Franken: He resigned and it’s over. What’s important is there is a heightened awareness about respecting other’s personal space and boundaries. We’re better for that. Now, can we talk about how the current president still has kids in cages and…

Maybe we shouldn’t elect a president who hasn’t managed a governmental operation larger than traffic planning for Notre Dame football games. 

The DNC needs to take a page from the NBA and hold a candidate lottery. Select a neutral polling aggregator like 538 or RCP with a public polling average. Every candidate gets one (1) ping pong ball for every 0.1% of support in the polling average. So Biden would get about 350 balls and Marianne Williamson gets maybe…

“The U.S. government over the last five years under President Bush, and crystalized under President Obama, has wanted us to kill the bad guys, but in the right way. Meaning compassionate and only under the rules of engagement that they say to you.”