Until this very moment I honestly believed the lyrics to “Too Close” were Baby when you’re crying / I get so excited and I’ve always thought about how fucked up that song is. Nope, it’s just about turgid tingers.

I, for one, am glad that this post wasn’t sullied by anything so distracting as culture or context.

Oh man, sorry I missed the call for these! Here’s my best poop story, for all you scatopheliacs out there.

The “bathroom” on a moving Greyhound bus somewhere between Austin and Houston.

This is Griffin, enjoying his favorite pot. He’s the best boy.

Like old Toohotformilk there, I’ve also lived through plenty of hurricanes. When you’ve been through enough, you stop worrying about them and you don’t prepare like it’s your first time - you get some water and plywood the windows and hunker down. My dad, who’s in his 70's and has ridden out every hurricane that’s…

Even though their legs are short their bodies are “normal” medium dog length and their snouts and tongues are really long. He was also crafty and would use tools (like pushing an ottoman under the Christmas tree to reach the higher ornaments).

My basset hound Henry ate: 1/2 a chocolate cake, a beef short rib with the bone, 6 or 8 plastic Christmas ornaments, a dozen or so clean and dirty diapers, dozens of boxes of tissues and rolls of toilet paper, the corners off our coffee table, entire loaves of bread and packages of hot dog buns (sometimes with the…

One evening I went to my local comic book shop to pick up my weekly fix and couldn’t understand why it was so fucking busy in there. While I was looking for the latest issue of whatever was making me feel smart at the time, I backed into this concrete post and was like, “Why the fuck would they put a concrete post…

Altuve’s new walk up music: