Back when my husband and I were dating, his electric guitar got on my nerves pretty quick. Dating a "musician" sounds romantic, I know, until you find out it's less candlelit serenading and more listening to the same riff from "Sweet Child O' Mine" with varying effects over and over. For our first Christmas together,…

Yyyyyep, my husband is getting me clothes for Christmas so we can avoid future "I have nothing to wear!" meltdowns. So time-consuming!

exactly! For crissakes we've seen her pooper hole get rammed in her porno tape. She's a porn star, this is nothing new.

JEZEBEL OFFERS 1 MILLION DOLLARS FOR WHOEVER BRINGS UNPHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES OF KIM KARDASHIAN AND THE BLOOD OF NORTH WEST !!!!!!

I guess there's no polite way to say this — and this is certainly not directed at you, Isha — but, man, it would be really nice if Jezebel could leave Amanda Bynes alone for awhile. Besides, whatever it is that she's going through right now does not belong in a breezy gossip round-up column.

It's arguable if the problem is Disney or the fact that the kids have parents who push them into a career at age three...

Except Amanda Bynes is a Nickelodeon product.

I'm in the unique position of not cringing one bit at this. Because as of yet I haven't heard a poop-related hookup story worse than my own.

welp, this just taught me that I have way fewer hangups about poop than your average person. I ... don't know what that says about me.

But I suggest carrying a tealight and matches in your purse / bag / pocket at all times for poopergencies. Lighting and then snuffing a match REALLY helps.

Um, where are the white women laughing over this? The consensus opinion is clearly that it's awful.

Let's see, filling out my "Shit that the Williams Sisters Have to Deal With" Bingo card.

Sorry, dude! Take it up with the bros.

I read that one of the women in the church that slept with him (on church property?) was getting herself tested for HIV. If he gave it to her, I sincerely hope everyone else gets tested immediately. Should he then be prosecuted Shrayber? I'm interested to know what you think. I mean, he's dying.

No no way. Uh uh. Forget it.

The customer isn't always wrong. Angela, however, is so wrong she's almost right again only because it is so ridiculous. They're candles. Take the smaller ones. Go home and order them online. Candles.

This is Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. It's not a symphony, it's a serenade for strings. Plus, the whole thing is around 20 minutes long. I don't want to come across as pedantic, but in this kind of discussion I think it's important that we're all clear on the facts and terminology.

I think her expression of "Yes, this is what I am doing with my life" really ties the room together.

I really thought she was going to be playing the piano with her boobs. Slight let down, but still impressive.

Uh, this is weird. I mean it's just a little too try-hard. I can't put my finger on why it's annoying to me, but I'm not crazy about this obvious, aggressively-masculine "sexiness" that requires grabbing your junk. Paul Newman is about as aggressively masculine as I want to get.