My flight was delayed when a sober grown man threw up on a flight attendant as we were taxi-ing.

psssh…you’re supposed to gather it from the bushes they rub against.

I need to learn how to photoshop. Mr. R wants me to make a “Trumpbacked whale”

Can Bison Justice be a show? He’s a straight laced bison DA, she’s a hot headed bison detective together they solve the crimes of rough and tumble Yellowstone. Coming this fall to ABC Bison Justice.

I burned the car with fire!

The scariest animal encounter I had backpacking in Yellowstone was when I rounded a hillock and less than 20 feet from the curve was a Bison On.The.Motherfucking.Trail. It was not going to move. It huffed, stamped its hoof, lowered its head. Thankfully, it wasn’t a rogue bison but a younger one. We were very creative…

To be fair, I would be that idiot petting the bison. And by petting, I mean frantically grabbing the undercoat, because that shit is worth more than gold.

I was at the Grand Canyon in May and got into a fight with a woman who first tried to feed an Elk. I told her that she wasn’t allowed to do that. She said “really?” and kept trying. I yelled, it is illegal and stupid! Then after I stopped her from trying to feed the elk, she walked right up to the poor thing, inching…

83 grand of that was just for the anti-venom. And strange enough, the anti-venom is only made by a UK company. Because when you think of dangerous, venomous snakes, you think the UK.

This is my all time favorite:

I almost beat a woman with my camera in Yellowstone once. She kept inching closer and closer to a bison and I told her she needed to back up. She responded, “Oh, they must be so used to people by now.” When I told her that, no, they aren’t, that they are quite dangerous and can charge at up to 35 mph, she looked…

PLEASE STOP! Excellent advice!

Camilla Belle couldn’t have said it better??? I get that she supports Katy and the sentiments but really? I can imagine Yoda saying it better. Or Yogi Berra. Or Mrs Malaprop.

Human Candy Corn is top three.

It’s very reminiscent of when Tina Fey and Amy Poehler made a couple of TayTay jokes, and she’s all like “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help women” i.e. “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t fawn all over me.” Also, Bad Blood is pretty weak-sauce. You’d think if you really wanted…

Went to Gettysburg when I was a kid with my mother, my brother, and my grandmother. My grandmother, who can’t drive for shit, drove the whole way and refused to let my mother take the wheel. So we were treated to her constantly stopping on the goddamn interstate to check and see if she had missed her exit, while cars…

Does it count if you didn’t fully realize it was awful?

I was about five years old. My mother decides to load four of us kids in the van and take us from Washington State to California, to go to my mom’s cousin’s wedding. While there, we were also going to visit her siblings and go to Disneyland and all sorts of fun…

ooh! Ooh! My mom’s family is from S. Florida, so “family vacation” always meant “visit Gramma and Grampa in Ft. Lauderdale. Cool. It has a beach! My grandparents live like, on the damn beach so my brother and I would jump out of the car, throw on a swim suit and run head long into the water on a semi public-ish beach…

I’m not sure how much of an outright disaster this is, but it was pretty funny, so I figured I’d share.