When I was 25 I once rolled up to a fancy restaurant in my 1997 aubergine-colored Dodge Stratus, and I left the keys with the valet. After a very nice meal at the restaurant, we headed outside and waited for the valet to return with my car. After about 5 minutes, imagine my horror when the valet returned with a 1997…

I valeted my ‘98 Cavalier a few times (currently at 251k miles, some rust on the doors - and at least one of the times, had a nice exhaust leak - also leaks gas a little. Good little car otherwise).

Oh you meant a horror story for me, not them.

Foxtrot Alpha, dickface.

Huh. Didn’t know you owned a Ferrari.

That’s a veiled threat if I’ve ever heard one. I hope you make enough money at your new job to get out of our mom’s basement.

Never used Cortana on my PC mainly because it requires Bing. *shudder*

• Expand Solar City to cover entire desert.

Much as I adore my colleagues at Gawker (and my former colleague at Gawker who is now at The Intercept a few floors up in our building) it’s not a love for the DNC that has me writing these articles. I’m more interested in this little look into the strange and expanding world of hacking as a military tactic. The…

I don’t know what that is. Maybe one of the guys can fill us in.

Are you just going to keep us waiting for the story about the horse that finds its owner? I want to read it.

That is a quality parody of The Battle Hymn of the Republic at 9:36.

yeah - I’m smelling a little sandbagging on the output of the R. Or, maybe the VW engineers came up with a device that lays on another couple pounds of boost when it detects a Focus RS in the lane next to it....

I can’t even fathom the emotional roller coaster the van driver must’ve been on.

Seriously. Leave me and my classic Solara alone.

I enjoyed reading this, but disagree with your thesis.

But we gotta go to the zoo!!!

safelite repair, safelite replace!

Go fuck yourself, too.