IT’S ADAM AND EVE. NOT ADAM AND CHEESE

Law firms have Twitter accounts??

Mike, buddy, a person cannot engage in self-deprecation unintentionally. A person can embarrass themselves unintentionally, and a person can humiliate or degrade themselves unintentionally, but self-deprecation is a stance, a device. It’s not a result.

I offer this with sincere compassion, and as an olive branch. Also, I once again urge you to breathe deeply in silence for a couple moments.

The Law Offices of Hackenburg Petty & McCown - If you need a check now, check down with McCown

“I just hope these balls didn’t end up making him wear his hat a bit askew like that animal Strop”
-Cardinals fans

Overloaded leather is also his online dating profile name.

Since he was suspended for a full year, we know the answer is not “his wife’s face.”

I assume the back surgery is an exploratory procedure in which they’ll be looking for something resembling a spine.  

Congrats! What position did you play?

Donkey Kong, Jr.: It’s like a recurring nightmare I can’t wake up from. Every night I see myself swinging, swinging, swinging.. it never ends.

Former Pfc. Lance Bean: How do you think I feel! I watched Bill die 30 times over! Seventeen of those times he was shot while climbing a vine and completely defenseless. …

Vines were made for this

Jokes on you Josh Pauls! Coach Tortorella would have benched you for not standing for the National Anthem.

Sadly, not the first bridge/water to suffer structural damage in Minnesota.

Should have chosen Subway

For what it’s worth, growing up as a dickhead and sheltered high school boy that played sports in the 90's, I had pretty low regard for women’s sports and my friends that played them. I thought it was “cute”. And then at some point, I remember reading a long form in sports illustrated (or some other paper based weekly…

Here you go, rude asshat.

This take is hotter than shrimp vindaloo!

It’s part of the code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy how to be a man! Let’s see; don’t tattle, always make fun of those different from you, never say anything unless you’re sure everyone feel exactly the same way you do, coin flips have to actually flip.

Curt: 216-146, 3.46 ERA, 3261 IP, 127 ERA+