His appeal to African-American voters in recent weeks: THINGS ARE TERRIBLE! IF YOU WALK DOWN ANY STREET YOU’LL GET SHOT 25 TIMES! VOTE FOR ME BECAUSE IT CAN’T POSSIBLY GET WORSE!

I’m starting* to think Trump is a pathological liar. He constantly lies about trivial things, his lies are instantly and easily exposed, yet he continues on as if nothing happened. Take for instance all the supposed speakers at the convention. Right after he says Big Ben and Tebow will be there, it’s immediately shot…

Of course he’s full of shit, every single thing he says is a stupid lie. He’ll never debate Clinton in any kind of real neutral setting, he’ll only do it if he can arrange for a moronic circus scene full of screeching idiots who roar over his spastic twitching and dopey insults. He’s a grade-A coward, a sleazy punk, a…

“Not taking it off road are you?”

Did they shut the entire country down so everyone could go to these games? There’s, like, a fifth of the country in the stands.

They do it every ten minutes or so during the game, too. It’s terrifying, and absolutely fantastic.

What to drink you ask??? Well, that will be 2% milk of course. And no, unfortunately we are all out of Hershey’s syrup.

Welcome to the John Rocker Club For Disgraced Professional Athletes, Mr. Shaw! Tonight’s dinner will be all white meat chicken breasts with a white wine sauce over white rice. We will be serving vanilla ice cream for dessert.

So does that mean we’re finally going to take NASA’s High Altitude Venus Operational Concept(HAVOC) mission seriously??

A friend’s wife recently said that she was going to get some face cream that was chemical free.

I asked what she thought that meant.

She replied that she wanted it to be made with stuff that she can pronounce.

I asked her if she’s ever seen the ingredient list for a blueberry.

After my experience with the Branch Davidians, I’m kind of turned off compound butter.

All electric checker cab please

Or...more likely the FBI didn’t realize what a shitstorm this would cause and instead is just having the NSA crack it.

Don’t blame Microsoft. It’s not their fault the tablets are full of spyware.

All excellent suggestions. Consider them implemented, and yourself in charge of Airship Operations. Pick up a jumpsuit. As for why Endeavor, I think it's in slightly more spaceworthy shape than Buran, and, because.

You have two problems: one's solvable, one's not really unless you bend the rules.