Night Trap! I had no idea!

Does it come in yellow?

Should I go for the dream car 2002 Mazda protege5 which will rust in 5 minutes where I live, or get a newer Mazda hatch, which I will be afraid of getting dented because I have to park on the street? I mean I guess I could get a can of krown?

I think it’s too late for me. Not high enough light, and don’t wanna be that guy who gets carried. Might as well leave early to get a nice seat on the ship to D2.

Eventually the ‘-sky’ will turn into ‘-ski.’ Baby steps. And yes, unfortunately I live in Chicago.

You spelled Trubinsky wrong.

It’s hits like these, and the accompanying commentary, that keep me from watching football. They immediately start talking about how it’s a clean hit instead of, you know, actually giving a shit about how serious the reaction was. They should play without helmets, but people actually want to see injuries. Not for me.…

I deleted the Apple Music app for this problem alone. My song was Lady Sovereign’s Ch-Ching. I used to like that song. Not anymore. Looks like I’ll be using Spotify for the rest of my life now.

What do they think this is, a game about killing zombies in a bikini?

It was a run by fruiting!

As a man, I will gladly start shaking women’s hands to say goodbye. I’ve always felt like I’ve been obligated to hug them for some reason. I have also tried to hug other men goodbye to level the playing field, but some men are way too macho for a hug dude!

You would think it would be a basic instinct to avoid falling over a rail.

That was awesome! How many discs will you need to fit all your videos on?

That is 100% a concussion.

What?

First of all: Black Lives Matter.

That is quite the product photo. I am not sure a cat would actually need a night light, but it could be useful for cat owners who want to watch while they use their cats use the toilet from afar.

That cat is so sad.

That is quite the product photo. I am not sure a cat would actually need a night light, but it could be useful for…

Those and any Audi

One time I had a retractable leash separate from the dog and fly back and hit me in the neck. I wasn’t watching intently enough to notice a metal clip flying directly at my face until it was too late.

What kind of car is that?