I think it’s ridiculous you have Pulisic getting a hat trick in each leg. Please be more realistic about this kid.

Paging Billy’s editor. Paging.

That’s all folks, shut it down. Nothing is going to top this today.

“These people have awful names.”

looks like Jabba the Hutt.

Kudos to you for the public correction. Would like to see this universal on Deadspin

bruh

No matter the seemingly relegation destined performances of this team its still frankly amazing the quality of some its players. Drinkwater is fantastic, if Pogba didn’t exist I bet he would be the Man U reject offered a ton of money to return and dominate the midfield. Also Leicester is weird. They have like 5…

Gotta be Michael Jordan. The NBA GOAT and then

Pretty sure it should technically be a 5-second violation, but it hasn’t been enforced in a while because the refs are soft because the commissioner is soft

Sounds like a guy contemplating moving in with his girlfriend

I swear to fucking...TWO MILLION. YOU ARE THE YANKEES AND YOU ARE PISSING OFF BETANCES, YOUR YOUNG ACE IN THE BULLPEN FOR TWO MILLION DOLLARS? I’M...I’M NOT HAPPY.

When is the Deadcast coming back? Any ideas?

I went to one Pokemon card game tournament. I was eleven. I met an old, fat man who told me we’d play for keeps. Don’t know if I even knew the official rules, since my brother and I just made up our own version. He took all of my cards. If you’re reading this, old man, I hate you. You’re the fucking worst.

He got drunk & had unprotected sex with his friend’s sister, then married her?

CRUCIAL UPDATE

He’s not one of the world’s best players. But I guess I appreciate having a statement like that at the beginning of the article, a red flag that clues everyone into the fact that “Hmm, this writer might have no f**ing clue what he’s talking about” and saves everyone the time it’s going to take to wade through the next…

Some finer points.

Almost nothing in this whole world makes me angrier than when one of you tells me how I should cut my God damned sandwiches.